This is my second and final installment of my "phenomenon of the anything..." series.
As a woman, I have never been handed grace. Be it my looks, be it my personality, be it my emotions. Men are always handed grace, In everything they do. We will look at all these three aspects and see how men remain and are encouraged, to be or do anything.
Firstly, let's look at the labour of beauty. The paths that women take to be perceived as beautiful, are long and strenuous. Make-up that matches your shade, "not too much" but also "enhances your features, and doesn't change them", perfect outfit to match the occasion, nails done, hair done, at basically all times. But what do men do? What do men have as beauty standards that need to be met every single day of their life? They show up to dates as casually as ever, show up to functions dressed by their wives and still believe they have the right to judge and critique women's appearance. When beauty is relegated as a chore to one half of the world, what gives the other half audacity to decide what is beautiful and what is not, when they themselves, have no notion of this labour? the anything man, strikes again.
Moving on to personality. The ways in which men have absolved themselves out of being good people, is something to take note of and to be acknowledged. It's very impressive how the natural instinct of empathy is lost on them. Hitting us with "not all men" when we talk about the rape, femicide and physical violence that is rampant in society. The anything man does not identify with other people's pain. He is not nice, he is not deep.
The meanest things, ever said to me, were said by men. The nicest things ever said to me, were said by women. The anything man is shallow. He refuses to talk about his emotions, he refuses to learn anything about his girlfriend, he refuses to learn his children's birthdays, he catcalls because "men are visual creatures". Society accepts these as the traits of a man. "That's just how guys are" "Boys will be boys", mind you this would be in response to women bringing up men's mental health issues. Now my question remains, seeing as men are apathetic, disinterested, mean -spirited, why do we coddle them and accept it? Why is it normal to hear a woman talking about how they've worked on being a better a person and healing, and accept that men will never be the same and not show humane traits? I implore for us to break the anything man, for us to remove him from being the societal norm and become a societal outlier. We must confront that the anything man, makes the world unsafe and we must accept that there's need for society to do away with him.
On the last aspect of emotions, it is clear what emotions the anything man has. He is angry. he is lustful, he is nonchalant, he does NOT get depressed or sad (those are feminine emotions guys). And we allow him to be all these things. When a woman is angry, she is hysterical and crazy, when she is lustful she is a ****, when she is nonchalant, she is bitter and she gets sad because women are "overly emotional" beings. The anything man strikes again. When emotions are gauged on "manly to feminine" by those in charge of the system, why do we believe that society will run conducively? Emotions are part of the human conditions and it is disingenuous for one half of the population to be passive in their processing of them.
Now how can we tame the anything man? How can we make the anything men, the failings of society, rather than the norm. The answer to this came to me in a church discussion actually. A few weeks back I held the same opinion that men should change and I brought it up in the discussion as we talked about the tribulations of modern day dating. I mentioned my sentiments and talked of the problematic behaviours that plague men and I cannot deny I was shook and speechless (this never happens) when one of the women in the circle asked me "if men until now have not changed, how will u do it, without it being our responsibility as women to change them?" Because yes, I did believe that women should have no responsibility in the inadequacies of men and society, but now we are so far in, that we have to try a new strategy. This means ultimately choosing ones circle wisely. Engaging with men that are emotionally immature and apathetic harms you anyways. So even if the scouring will take years, it is better to align yourself with men who have taken it upon themselves to not be "the anything man" hopefully, that will be the standard and the anything man will start to disappear <3
"Cause you're just a man
It's just what you do"
Song:
Norman Rockwell - Lana Del Rey
Felt.