Lonely.

Being alone is great. Being lonely is not. I appreciate that this feeling is very paradoxal. On one end, you enjoy your company the most and on the other, you absolutely detest your own company and want to spend time with other people. Loneliness really hit hard during the beginning of quarantine. First few weeks I was like "good riddance, now I get to spend time with someone I really like...me". But after a month, I missed people's laughter, I missed talking about absolutely nothing, I just missed people, which to be honest just worries me.

But as the months went on, I truly started appeciating the art of being alone. And yes, it is an artform. There are people who cannot live without the attention of other human beings. That, just makes you the most annoying person of the friendgroup. Which is why everyone should master the art of being alone. You know, incase another virus from a highly developed country, that could have been prevented, ravages the whole world. There is a certain comfort to knowing no one else cares, except you. In our society, no matter how many times we deny it, we do a lot of things to seek approval, even subconsciously. And there's nothing wrong with that (unless every single decision you make is based on everyone else's opinion, then you need therapy). But when you're alone, YOU have to decide what you're going to do, YOU have to decide if waking up at 6am to workout is really worth it, if doing those assignments is worth it. Being alone gives you time to reflect and provides you with independence.

In 2020, I got so used to being alone, I was worried about going back to school. I just couldn't deal with the shenanigans high school comes with. I've always enjoyed being alone. Having no friends does that to you, but in the long run you start to realise that some people don't handle being alone that well and that it's a useful skill to have.

But the thing about loneliness is that you don't have to be alone. You could literally be in a BTS concert with other followers of the cult and still feel lonely. That's the worst kind of being alone. When everyone around you is laughing and joking and you still feel lonely. I don't know if this is something most people deal with or I just need therapy. Personally, I'm really open, absolutely shameless, like...would need protection if I went into politics, so I am very open to talking about it. People need to do that more, that would stop a lot of deaths and angry political debates.

How does one overcome loneliness? Who knows? I do not have a psychology degree, I haven't even been here 2 decades yet. But I do believe that we HAVE to go through loneliness. It builds character, heals break-ups, makes you create a new home. It is a fundamental part in the human experience. And we should all learn how to hang out with ourselves. We should learn how to be alone with our thoughts, confront our choices.

And some days you just aren't lonely. You actually like people and the annoying friend isn't so annoying. The world seems right, you worked out and what can I say? That's life.

Song:

capespring. - indigo