When Women Disappear

As a woman, it feels like a right of passage, that as the older I get, the more my conversations surround desirability politics. The politicisation of attractiveness is not only, unfortunate but quite malicious. This aspect not only forces feminism to react but, highlights the role of women in the world. The female experience not only, entails attractiveness as a forefront, but actively relies on how beautiful you are perceived.

Oh! Stephco on YouTube is a woman who can relate to the realities of the perception of not being beautiful. In her video "When It Comes To Love...Is Pretty Privilege Really A Privilege", where she analyses a TikTok of a "conventionally attractive" white woman speaking of the disadvantages of beauty in modern day relationships. Oh! Stephco said something that made me stop and woefully ponder with dismay. She said that even though, yes , you can argue that being perceived as "attractive" limits you in finding genuine connections, you STILL have these experiences. She goes on to explain that "beautiful" women have the privilege of experiences. I gather that these women get to be flown out, wined-and-dined and in comparison, are worthy of human decency.

The podcast trolls always argue that women OUGHT to be "beautiful" if they are to be taken care of. I mean I'm no relationship guru, but I don't really think that having a trophy wife makes for stable romantic connection, but that's just me. I've been having this conversation with my friends. Women aren't snakes for automatically complimenting each other, this act of revelry of a fellow woman's appearance, is not false praise, it is survival. Women know and understand that being attractive is not only a privilege, it is a necessity. The art of complimenting is a subconscious act of comradery and understanding.

Objectification of the female being, existing under the European standard and colonisation calls upon feminism to relieve us. Relieve us from the shackles of "attractiveness" and "beauty". Fight for the right to human decency even when not being the standard. People wonder why the "everybody is beautiful" lives on. It is because we all know that not being seen as "beautiful" hurts people socially and economically.

The best way to see the disappearing trick of women is right here in Kenya. As a Black girl in an international school, I know how it feels to not only pale, but to be completely erased, when standing next to a white or bi-racial girl. Missing out on social interactions and payments for Ubers. As soon as you are deemed "not hot enough", you are stripped of all femininity and are part of "the boys". Which leads to exposure of your guy friends' thoughts on women (it is a scary place). Basically, the perception of your outside as "ugly" feels like death.

And the patriarchy knows this. That's why we have the "ugly friend" memes. The girl who is TOO loud and too protective of her actually "attractive" friends. That's why men will call you mid before they call you stupid. Because they know that the system is built for so-called "beauty". The systems of this discrimination are numerous: colourism, misogynoir, unrealistic beauty standards, the TUMBLR community, white privilege. All these factors influences by culture and region.

I pray for feminism to FIGHT. And to fight HARD for our existence outside our looks. For the end of sexualisation of the female being. The realisation of women's varying complexity and identity, which exists and must be taken account of.

NBQP - Sudan Archives

"Sometimes I think that if I was light-skinned

Then I would get into all the parties"